You're Not That Powerful

"No, you're not that powerful," my mom told me, "you're not that powerful".

On Monday night I received multiple texts and emails about my 86-year-old grandfather who had suffered a TIA, also called a "mini stroke", and was spending the night in the hospital. He and my grandmother live nearly 1,000 miles away from me, so I was powerless to be of much assistance. He arrived home the following afternoon with no complications but was soon severely sick due to some new medication he had been given. My grandmother took him to the doctor today and his medications were sorted out. Now he is home and fine, but because he had a TIA five years ago and another one this week, his risk of full-blown stroke is much higher.

After processing all of this, I remembered something I had been thinking just a month or so ago: Wow, my grandfathers are 86 and 87 years old and are both still alive and in relatively good health. How lucky am I! After recalling these previous thoughts, another thought hit me: Did I do this? Did my thoughts of gratitude just weeks ago cause my grandfather to go through this turmoil of medical complications the past few days?

And then I remembered a conversation I had with my mom several years ago. It was over something similar; I had been concerned that I had caused something bad to happen with my thinking. "No, you're not that powerful," she assured me. And while recently the thought did cross my mind that I somehow did this to my grandfather, I have since remembered that while my thoughts, hopes, and prayers are important, they do not "jinx" the universe and cause bad things to happen. I'm just not that powerful, and for that, I am grateful.