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Saturday, August 8, 2015

Being 23

I was just a 4th grader when then-23-year-old John Mayer released his album Room for Squares but now, upon rediscovering a few of the songs as a young adult, I've realized Mayer's album, and three songs specifically, perfectly epitomize many aspects of my own experience as a 20-something.



My stupid mouth
Has got me in trouble
I said too much again
What a boring story, Sarah. Why did you share that? Couldn't you tell by one minute in that she wasn't interested anymore and was just politely nodding, hoping you'd hurry up and finish?

I'm never speaking up again
It only hurts me
And I did it again. Gosh, why do I even try talking when I'm just bound to end up saying something stupid or offensive?

'Cause I wonder sometimes
About the outcome
Of a still verdictless life
Am I living it right?
I graduated with a Bachelor of Individualized Studies degree when I could have finished the Bachelor's in Elementary Education if I had stuck around for another year and a half. I'd be done this December! But now I am starting a master's program in education and will still be certified to teach. Did I make the better choice?

Don't believe me

When I say I've got it down
I go to work, pay my bills, feed the dog, clean the bathroom, go to the gym. Just don't mind the weeds in the yard or the dead flowers on the dining room table.

Welcome to the real world
She said to me condescendingly
Take a seat, take your life
Plot it out in black and white
Whatever happened to the four-year plan I made at a grade-wide meeting with our parents in 9th grade? Ah yes, I switched schools the very next year. And the kinesiology degree plan I spent hours studying both in my dorm and in my advisor's office? I guess that too became obsolete when I changed my degree plan two years into college.

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real word
Just a lie you've got to rise above
Five years out of high school and what do I have to show? I have a bachelor's degree, so I guess that's something. My parents still support me financially while I continue my education. Some classmates have spouses, children, or summa cum laude degrees and work at salaried jobs or are in medical school or MBA programs. But while it's temping to compare myself to my peers who are doing subjectively better or worse than I am, I know that none of that really matters; we are each valued at one human, no more and no less.

And all of our parents, they're getting older

I wonder if they wished for anything better
My parents have two children, a 23-year-old education student and a 20-year-old EMT student. Nearly the past quarter century of their lives has revolved around us. Is this what they wanted? 

I am invincible as long as I'm alive
We get behind the wheel of a car for the first time at 15 or 16 thinking we're absolutely invincible. Only several years later when we'd probably need a third hand to count all of the friends, acquaintances, and friends of friends who have been in a major car crash or are dead from drug overdose or suicide do we realize we humans are so very, very fragile.